Remember Me
by saffyfan
Summary: It's been 10 years since the world collapsed, 10 years since Emily forgot how to breathe. Paily AU with no A.
1. Love's Anniversary

You'd think I would be okay by now. You'd think that ten years would be a long time, enough for me to forget at least the little things. Not big ones like her face or her hair because those are unforgettable, but the minor details. I mean the way her eyes changed color depending on her energy level, the way she chewed her lip when she was confused or thinking really hard, the way she sighed whenever I kissed her. You'd think that it would have stopped hurting by now. You'd be wrong.

I look at my watch, the one she gave me for my twentieth birthday. The Skagen face tells me it's the 19th. May 19, 2028. Ten years ago today, I died.

Hanna calls while I'm walking to my flower shop, down the block from the apartment. She remembers. They all remember.

"Hey sweetcheeks, how you holding up?"

"You're never up this early. What's going on?"

"Just checking in. Do you want someone to come with?"

I pinch the bridge of my nose. It's five in the morning and already the tears are threatening to fall. I stifle a sniffle.

"No." It comes out as a high-pitched whine. I curse myself.

"Em "

I cut her off. "I'm fine. Thanks for calling." I hang up and shove the phone into my coat pocket.

It's my favorite coat, all soft black leather with glinting silver teeth for zippers. Paige wore it on our first college date night. I bring my arm to my nose and inhale as deeply as I can. The faintest scent of vanilla lingers in my nostrils.

* * *

"_What do you mean I can't pull off leather? I'll show you 'can't pull off leather,'" Paige grumbled as she flailed about in their closet. _

_Emily giggled at the hail of clothing flying out of the closet over her girlfriend's head. "Don't take it so seriously, baby. I was joking."_

_Paige turned and glared at Emily, who laughed at the sock perched on the former's head. "You undermined my lesbianhood, Em. How can I not take it seriously?" She sighed dramatically at Emily's confusion. _

"_All the big-time badass lesbos rock the leather, babe. Buffy, Faith, Tara, Willow, Michelle Rodriguez…"_

"_Michelle Rodriguez is a lesbian?" _

"_She's too hot not to be. She's just closeted as fuck." Paige grinned at Emily before turning around and fishing through the closet drawers again._

_Emily sauntered over to Paige and slapped her ass, causing Paige to yelp. "You know, for someone who's OCD and studying to be an English professor, you are horribly disorganized with clothes."_

_Paige scratched her head, oblivious to the sock bobbing up and down. "What does my major have to do with my OCD or my organization skills?" _

_Before Emily could answer, she suddenly lunged at the row of hanging coats, finally knocking the sock off her head. "Aha! I found you, my beautiful," she crooned at the jacket clutched to her chest. Paige deftly slipped the coat on and turned to face her girlfriend. "What do you think?"_

_Emily stared. Paige stood with arms outstretched, dressed in nothing but her underwear and that goddamned leather jacket. Her ruffled hair, the contrast of the dark purple lace on Paige's milky skin, and the way the leather hugged her waist but flared open at her breasts made Emily's mouth dry. Paige grinned at her staring but yelped again when Emily tackled her. Thank god the bed made a soft landing. They missed their 7 o'clock reservation that night, but neither minded the change in plans._

_A few hours later, Emily kissed the top of Paige's head. _

"_You're right. You _can _pull off leather."_

_Paige chuckled. "Technically, you were the one who pulled it off." _

"_Whatever. I'm always right." _

_Paige wrinkled her nose. Emily poked her in the ribs._

"_What, you disagree?"_

"_No, you are always right. I just fail to see the connection between leather and being right."_

_Emily dismissed the thought with a wave of her hand. "You love my randomness."_

_Paige kissed her. "And you love me."_

_Emily grinned. "You love me more."_

_Paige kissed Emily's forehead. "You're always right."_

* * *

I rip my arm away from my face as soon as I realize my tears are getting on the leather. Ten feet from the entrance of the shop, my knees give way. My vision blurs as the street turns sideways.


	2. Damn Lookalikes

Hi guys; thanks for all of the reviews! I'm a fledgling writer, so your comments are the most amazing thing I could ask for. Criticism is welcome too, but the positive feedback is ambrosia! This update is a bit lighter on content, but I promise to write more substantial chapters once finals are over in two weeks. I hope you stick with this story! Thanks, everyone!

* * *

I open my eyes, suddenly startled, and I look around. Someone probably found me on the street and dragged me back to their place. As I examine my surroundings more closely, their familiarity begins to sink in. I recognize the mahogany grandfather clock in the corner, the glass-top table with curved iron legs next to me, the black loveseat behind it. I know this place; I was here last week with the girls. What am I doing in my neighbor's apartment? I look down at myself. A furry pink comforter is draped over me, and I'm lying on an overstuffed beige leather couch. Leather. I panic when I feel the weight of the comforter on my bare arms.

"Relax, ya nincompoop," Lynn's voice calls from somewhere. I'm still not oriented enough to distinguish where the sound is coming from. "Behind you, darling," she says as a tray with a tea kettle and two mugs materializes on the table. Lynn places her hands on my shoulders. "How do you feel, sweetie?"

"Like shit," I reply immediately. Lynn quickly removes her hands and steps so that I can see her.

"Oh sweetie," she looks at me with her clear brown eyes. My eyes rake over her quickly before dropping back to the pink comforter. I'm not quick enough to avoid noticing her hair, so deeply brown that under strong light it seems red, her wide shoulders, her silver hoop earrings.

"Why won't you look at me, darling? I just saved your ass," Lynn says. I can hear the frown in her voice. She's always been expressive, just like another brunette I know. I stifle a sob, and a string of cussing erupts from Lynn.

"Of course. May 19. How could I have been so stupid?" She begins pacing the room, oblivious to my renewed craving for my jacket. I stretch my hands out to her as I beg, hating myself for sounding so whiny for the second time today. Lynn quickly snatches the coat from the loveseat and passes it to me, and I bury my nose in it.

"You know, sweetie, I could buy you a bottle of vanilla fragrance, and then you could smell it all day," Lynn says with a sigh.

I ignore her. It's one thing to enjoy a fragrance. It's another to treasure a scent that against all odds has decided to linger in the jacket of someone who has not worn it in a decade. No, this smell is persistent, just like the person to whom it belongs. _Belonged_, I remind myself.

Lynn watches me as I clutch the coat to my chest and begin to cry. She stoops to kiss the top of my head before grabbing a photo album off of the glass table, next to the tray. How did I not notice it there earlier?

"Darling, do you remember the time we spent in Barcelona that summer?" Lynn says as she pours tea into the mugs and sinks into the loveseat with the album in her lap.

I sniffle. "Yeah. Why are you bringing it up now of all times? I was such an ass."

Lynn laughs. The deep, guttural sound makes me simultaneously smile and wipe away a tear. "It was fun; are you kidding? I'd never been so flattered in my life."

I bow my head in embarrassment until I feel Lynn staring at me.

"Paige would have found it hilarious," she says softly. I cry harder.

Suddenly I feel my phone vibrate through the coat pocket. Spencer's texted me. "Class of 2018 Reunion this Friday. You going?"

I glance up at Lynn, who is smiling at me with trepidation. She ducks when I throw my phone at her, and I pull the comforter over my head. I haven't stepped foot on campus since I graduated without her by my side. How could I go back now without her?


	3. Flower Girl

I know I said updates were only going to happen post-finals, but it seems that my method of procrastination is writing. I actually mean it this time though! The next update will be at the earliest a week from Wednesday. But, this chapter is the longest so far, so hopefully that will make up for the time. Please review! I hope y'all like this chapter. Special thanks to underthegreensward for telling me how to do page breaks! Onto the story...

* * *

"You're leaving so soon? At least have some tea before you go," Lynn urges from her slumped position on the loveseat.

I smile at her as I slip on my coat. "That's not tea, Lynn. It's fucking caffeine on crack."

She rolls her eyes. "Well duh, why do you think Spencer likes hanging out here all the time?"

I shake my head. My friends are insane. I begin folding the massive comforter. "Thanks, but I really have to go. Girl with a mission, you know?"

Lynn perks up. "Ooh, I haven't heard that in a while. Whatcha doing, sweetie? Got a hot client?"

"You could say that." Lynn gives me a blank look.

"I'm taking her some flowers. You know, to catch up."

Lynn closes the album in her lap and walks over to me with my phone outstretched. "Darling, you just saw her last week."

I stare at her. "Exactly. It's been too long."

She sighs. "Maybe I've been out of the dating scene for too long. Alright sweetie, go before I make you drink my concoctions."

I grab my phone and run for my life.

* * *

After exiting onto the sidewalk, I turn right and walk down the street to my shop. This time I make it to the doorway. I reach for the keys in my pocket and carefully unlock the door, remembering to flip the sign to read "Open."

This was our special place more than anywhere else. The lights are out. She always loved walking into the void of darkness and inhaling everything. I still keep the lights out from when I lock up to when I open shop, just out of habit. Plus, it's not hard to see why she loved it.

The heady sweetness of roses greets me first when I push open the door. As I stand in the doorway and draw a deep breath, gardenias pervade my senses next. I close my eyes. I can pick out lilies on my right and sweet alyssum on my left. But the scent of roses never leaves my nostrils.

I finally grope around for the light switch. When the room is illumined, I am assailed by the overwhelming amount of roses. They line the walls of the shop and adorn every aisle, and the centerpiece in the large room is a striking presentation of them. The outer ring is white, the next faint pink, then darker and darker until the center, when red-ringed white roses seem to pop out of their scarlet rose border. The piece was Paige's design. I shake my head. When she loved something, she let the whole world know, and she definitely loved roses.

* * *

_"You're gonna what?" Paige stared confusedly at Emily._

_"I said, 'I'm going to open a flower shop,'" Emily said, smiling at her frowning girlfriend. "It's not going to be permanent, and it'll be a way for me to get some cash flow and stop relying on my parents. What do you think?"_

_Paige scratched her head. "I'm torn, to be honest. On the one hand, your engineering degree is getting seriously wasted, but on the other hand, it's incredibly sexy." She then proceeded to admire her girlfriend's said sexiness. _

_Emily blushed at her staring before quickly ducking into Paige's personal space and slowly licking Paige's ice cream cone from bottom up. She grinned when Paige shuddered and whispered in her ear, "Sorry. It was starting to melt." _

_"Melt, my ass." Paige pouted and continued walking. "Hey, what about this place?"_

_Emily looked in the direction she was pointing. "That old warehouse? What about it?"_

_"Well, you want to open up a flower shop, right? You need a building for that," Paige deadpanned before noisily devouring the rest of her ice cream. _

_Emily ignored her sarcasm. "But what about a proper ventilation system? The flowers would die without the right humidity and sunlight, and how about watering? That place is huge."_

_Paige mock-gasped. "Are you telling me that a Columbia education can't enable you to solve even such a simple predicament? Baby, give more respect to your school, why don't you?" _

_Emily laughed and shoved her lightly in the shoulder. "You know, it could work. If I set up a pipe system through the ceiling to have evenly spaced sprinklers set to a timer and line the ceiling with tinted windows that open and close also with a timer, it could work. It would be complicated, but it could work." _

_Paige stared at Emily, at her excitedly biting her lip and scribbling in the air with her finger with some invisible calculation, her eyes sparkling as she mentally transformed the rundown gray building into a mechanized greenery brimming with colors. Paige was sure she had never seen anything more beautiful. _

_"Baby?" Emily blinked at Paige. Why was she so moon-eyed?_

_"Babe? Paige."_

_"Baby." _

_"Babe."_

_Babe."_

_Emily widened her eyes dramatically. "BABE."_

_"Sweetie."_

_"Paaaaaige," she drawled. Paige blinked before sheepishly refocusing on Emily._

_"Yes, sexy lady?"_

_"So, what do you think?"_

_"Beautiful." Paige smiled at Emily._

_"What, the flower shop?"_

_"You."_

_Emily blushed. "Come on, Paige. Work with me here."_

_"Fine, fine." Paige chewed her lip. Emily focused on that lip. Emily became jealous of that lip for being in Paige's mouth. Paige obliviously continued chewing her lip._

_"I like the idea. Except for one thing."_

_Emily squinted. Paige was smiling with only the right side of her mouth. She only smiled like that when she had something planned. Emily secretly called it her "sexy devil smile."_

_"I'm not going to sell flowers naked, if that's what you're thinking," Emily shot at her girlfriend. Paige's grin widened._

_"Not what I was thinking, but hey. I like that idea." Paige laughed before sobering. "But seriously baby, you gotta have roses." _

_"Well, no shit. It's a fucking flower shop, Paigey." Emily grinned and then paused to look at Paige. "Wow, you're serious about this." _

_Paige ducked her head. "Well, yeah," she murmured. "I like roses, Em. I like them a lot."_

_Emily kissed her nose. "If they're that important to you, I'll flood the shop with roses." _

_Paige beamed. "Can I design a centerpiece? Please? Pretty please?" She bounced on her heels excitedly._

_Emily sighed dramatically. "You were one of those kids who sorted their Legos by color and shape before they started building, weren't you?"_

_Paige scrunched her nose. "Why do you always bring up things that don't seem relevant?"_

_"Ooh, defensive."_

_"Shut up. Just because you're right doesn't mean you have to rub it in." Paige blew a raspberry at Emily. _

_Emily laughed and flung her arms around Paige. "You can design the centerpiece, baby. It's all yours." _

_Paige kissed her._

* * *

I make sure that the arrangement is fresh at all times. Each week, I get the necessary rose types delivered, and then I spend the morning rearranging the centerpiece by hand. She had calculated it down to the number of flowers in each ring and the angle at which the display should sit to catch the optimal light for the longest time. I may be an engineer, but Paige had been the perfectionist.

Today is not a replacement day. I had redone the entire arrangement just yesterday, so the flowers are still vibrant. That's really the most important part. The centerpiece, while simple, spills over with color and fragrance. It's like Paige in floral form. But it's not my focus today.

I wind through the crowded aisles and stop at the warehouse's back wall. Roses every color of the rainbow, from the size of my pinky to the size of my head, line the wall from floor to ceiling. This was her favorite part of the shop, the portion she called the "rose-verse." I pick a combination of my favorites and her favorites: white, yellow, purple, red, salmon, and the red-rimmed white. With flowers in hand, I pick my way back to the front of the store for a rubber band.

It's time to visit my girl. I turn the light out as I lock the door and flip the store sign again to say, "Closed."


	4. Three's a Crowd but Five's a Family

Hey all! i'm so sorry it's taken so long for an update, but life has been and while likely continue to be crazy. thanks for reading, and hold on tight until the next update! it may be a while.

so i made a few changes to earlier chapters so that the story takes place in 2028 instead of 2027 because apparently the Liars are still just seniors in Season 4...just to let you know!

finally, thank you to everyone who reads and reviews or follows or favorites my writing! i don't really get to respond to reviews, but i read every last one, so please keep them coming! read and review; feed me!

on to the story...

* * *

I struggle for a few minutes to slip my phone out of my jacket pocket without dropping any flowers and finally manage to open up my contacts. I fumble around in the 'A' section before finally calling.

"Hey sugar, how are you doing?"

I wriggle my nose. "You too? What is with the pet names today?"

Aria huffs her confusion, and I clarify. "Hanna called me sweetcheeks. Did all of you turn gay when I wasn't looking? I want to see the complimentary toasters as proof."

"The complimentary what now? You're not drunk, are you?"

"No, but I did breathe in some Lynn vapors this morning."

She laughs. "That's fabulous honey, but I doubt tea fumes are why you called."

I sigh. "Will you come with me today? I'm in front of the shop right now."

Aria takes a moment to figure out what I mean, and then I can almost hear her nod through the phone. "Yeah, I'll meet you at the front door."

* * *

I almost miss seeing her through the multitude of roses blocking my view, but those eyes are hard to miss. She takes half of the flowers after we hug, and then I notice her tie skirt. After all these years, she still has that damned thing. And to think what Paige could have done with the poor darlings... Tears escape from my eyes as I laugh softly.

"Em?" She's looking at me, and worry is etched across her forehead. All of the girls have those lines on their faces, and it's mostly because of me. And Paige.

I smile at Aria, who squeezes my shoulder.

"You ready?"

I take a breath and look at the sign above our heads. Manhattan General. How ironic that Paige and I always hated doctors, yet here we are. I follow Aria through the sliding glass doors.

* * *

"Emily! Back for your regular visit?" Dr. Mitchell startles me out of my reverie. I give him a small smile through the roses, and he grins back before scratching his short gray hair. "And who did you bring with you today?"

Whom, I mentally correct him before sighing. Paige's studying has seriously rubbed off on me. I nod my head in the direction of the hallway. "Aria. She's in the bathroom."

Dr. Mitchell nods. "Sweet girl. They all are. Shall I take you to her then?" He starts walking from the waiting room without waiting for an answer, and I follow. Aria will find me. We all have the way to her room memorized. If it wasn't for hospital rules, well...let's just say the girls would rather have stayed with me than ever go home.

* * *

_"Please Em, it's way past visiting hours." Spencer gently coaxed Emily. "It's been a long day. Let's all head back to my place and get some rest."_

_Emily didn't look up from her place beside the bed. "No," she mumbled with her face pressed into the sheets._

_Hanna crossed and uncrossed her arms. "Em, we can come back tomorrow. Everyone's tired, including her, which is why she's sleeping and being a general lazyass, and you can talk to her in the morning after she's up."_

_"Hanna!" Spencer and Aria snapped._

_"No. I want to be here when she wakes up. I want to be the first thing she sees." Even through the sheets, the girls could hear Emily's crying._

_Aria plodded over to Emily and placed her hands on the girl's shoulders. "Come on sweetie, the doctors need rest too."_

_Emily shook her head. "I'm staying. You guys go home and sleep."_

_But the girls glanced at each other before Hanna rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that's happening."_

_Spencer stood up with a sigh. "I'm going home to grab pillows and some blankets. You guys need anything else?"_

_Finally Emily looked up. "Spence? Can you grab an extra blanket? Her hands are cold."_

_Spencer's heart broke at the sight of Emily's tearstained face, of her desperately but oh-so-gently clutching Paige's hand, and she nodded. "Yeah."_

_A few hours later, Dr. Mitchell opened the door to see the four girls around the bed. The obvious love they had for each other made his heart ache. The girlfriend was slumped in a chair and had her arms protectively around his battered patient, who was mysteriously covered in a brown and white comforter. The other three girls were sprawled haphazardly on the floor in makeshift beds, their runny makeup bearing witness to the worry and pain of the day's events. He glanced at his watch and sighed. 3:04 AM. He hated playing the bad guy, but rules were rules._

_"Girls, you have to get up. I promise you can come see her tomorrow. I'll open the doors for you myself so you can talk to her right when she wakes up."_

_Paige never woke up._

* * *

Dr. Mitchell holds the door open for me. "I'll bring lunch up for the three of you," he says before closing the door. For a few moments, I stare at where he had been standing before turning around.

There she is, my beautiful girl. I put the roses in the giant vase that Spencer no doubt prepared for me and sit in the chair to take my girlfriend's hands. They're warm for once, thank God. I stand and bend over to kiss her forehead, her eyelids, her cheeks, her nose. Then gently, reverently, I kiss her pouty lips before sitting down again. Even with being thin, pale, and comatose, Paige is beautiful.

I start crying again. "Hi baby." I don't notice Aria silently entering and sitting in the chair in the corner. She's warm. Her hands, her face, they're a good temperature. It's a step.

* * *

what do y'all think? love it, hate it, want to burn it? let me know! suggestions are welcome, as well as criticism. flames are not. you know, the usual.


	5. A New Development

I wake to the smell of coffee and the sound of Spencer and Hanna bickering.

"I'm telling you, pink and green are going to clash!" Spencer snaps.

"Not if you know how to manage them, dumbass!" Hanna retorts.

Lynn giggles. "I gotta go with the one that has a fashion degree on this, Spence."

Spencer's jaw drops. "Et tu, Brute?"

Aria's throat-clearing gets everyone's attention. "Guys, Sleeping Beauty is awake. Thanks to your kindergarten-esque bickering." She mumbles the last part into her coffee cup as she takes a sip.

I wipe my eyes groggily with my hand. "What are you guys doing here? Not that I don't love you all, but don't you have families, jobs, and stuff or something?" Man am I charming after a nap. How did Paige ever put up with me?

Hanna snorts. "If by that you mean we have no life, we do. It's just that we all requested a month off of work, and our hubbies got the housework covered." Spencer and Hanna nod while Lynn grins into her tea mug.

"Wait, what?" My head is spinning. "Where are you guys going?"

Spencer walks over to squeeze my shoulder. "We are going on a roadtrip, Em. What do you say?"

I'm still confused. I look down at my hands and play with Paige's fingers. "Uh, that's fantastic. Take lots of pictures for me."

Spencer rolls her eyes. "Let me restate that. We are all going, including you. We are going to get our fat lazy asses out of Manhattan and party it up in Europe."

Aria giggles and says, "Don't let Paige hear you call her girl fat and lazy. She will mental-slap you so hard."

I snort, and Spencer continues. "Seriously, you can't say no. My employer even bought the tickets for us. Five first-class rides, Em."

"Round-trip for us lovely ladies and a one-way ticket for Spence," Hanna quips.

Lynn mumbles, "What exactly do you do for a living, Hastings? Do you even know?"

"Very funny, both of you." Spencer glares.

I look around the room, from Aria's innocently expectant eyes to Hanna's grin to Spencer's puppy face. I look at Paige and imagine what she would say. I wonder if she would be disappointed that we would essentially be abandoning her for a month, that I would be abandoning her.

"You know," Spencer says softly, "Paige made me promise to take care of you one time, Em. And that includes making you smile every once in a while. It would kill her to see you like this."

Hanna huffS. "You're talking as if she's not already dead."

Aria gawks, and Spencer snaps, "Shut up, Hanna. Go to your corner." Hanna huffed again and marched to the corner of the room to face the wall.

I stare at Spencer, numbed by Hanna's comment. "That's a new development."

"What, giving her a time-out?"

"No, her actually listening to you."

"Hey! I can still hear you both fine. And this wallpaper is absolutely mortifying. When was the last time they gave the room a makeover?"

Spencer ignores her and goes back to making puppy eyes at me. "Please Em, I really don't want Paige to strangle me for not taking care of her girlfriend. All of the doctors have our numbers on speed-dial, and we can change our return flight so that we can come home if Paige so much as sneezes."

I giggle at the thought of Paige's sneezes. How she scrunched up her nose beforehand and flapped her hands, how she would stare imploringly at me to make the itching go away, and how she'd finally sneeze and then sigh in relief that it was done.

Spencer was right. Coma or no coma, Paige would hate to see me moping over her. I squeeze her hands one more time and look up at Spencer, who smiles at me expectantly.

"Fine, but we're going to Germany."

Aria laughs while Spencer groans. Lynn claps her hands and gets to her feet. "Well, we all better start heading home and get packing."

Hanna huffs once more.

"Can I leave my corner now?"

Aria and Spencer glare at her. "No!"

* * *

hallo everybody! so if it seems like it's a coincidence that my other fic is about a Paily roadtrip and that the Fab Five are going on a Europe roadtrip, well, it's not. i had originally wrote the first and second chapters of my other fic to be flashbacks that would take place in this fic, hence the reference to Germany. But, there is definitely way more in store for the Fab Five. As for Europe Roadtrip: Paily Style, i'm planning on making that a complete separate fic in a completely separate universe from Remember Me from now on. just wanted to clarify! thanks for reading and reviewing, y'alls! until next time.


	6. Distractions

hi y'alls! back again. thanks as always for reading! this is the longest chapter yet, so i hope you like it :) and i'm aware that this is a very long 24 hours in this fic so far, but don't worry! we'll get to traveling by next chapter. i'm working on an update for Paily Roadtrip, so keep an eye out for that as well! now for the chapter...

* * *

I walk into my apartment for the second time today and put my keys on the shelf by the door. At first glance, you'd never be able to tell that Paige doesn't live here. Pictures of us adorn the walls so that "it's like they painted the place Paily instead of gray," in Hanna's words, and her writing awards and swimming medals hang beside our photographs proudly. I stare at the picture next to my keys. It was taken right after we graduated from Rosewood, and we were all hanging out at the Brew. I'm sitting in her lap, and she has her arms around me. My fingers are clasping her wrists, and we're kissing with the biggest grins on our faces. I smile at the memory of that day. Spencer must have snapped it while we weren't paying attention.

* * *

_"Whoo! Officially done with high school, you guys!" Spencer yelled as she carried the tray of five coffees._

_Hanna whooped. "Yeah, no more gym class! Fuck you, Ms. Wellington!"_

_Spencer and Aria glared at her. "Language!"_

_Hanna rolled her eyes and waved her hands at Spencer expectantly. "Gimme my mocha."_

_"Yeah yeah, large double chocolate mocha with whipped cream, extra sugar, and heart attack syrup," Spencer muttered as she busied herself passing around the drinks. "Aria, your iced latte, and Emily, your iced hot chocolate. Em, don't you think that icing it defeats the purpose of calling it hot?" Spencer continued, not noticing that Emily wasn't listening._

_Aria tapped her shoulder. "Uh, Spence? I think the cold hot chocolate can wait a bit," she whispered with a smile. Spencer looked up at the same time as Hanna, and they burst into grins._

_Emily was perched on Paige's lap, and Paige's arms were wrapped around her girlfriend's waist. Emily's fingers were tangled together with Paige's, and their heads were close together as they whispered, oblivious to their audience. Suddenly, Emily burst out laughing, and Paige smiled and kissed her exposed neck. When Emily had caught her breath, she leaned toward Paige to whisper something else, and Paige blushed and touched her forehead to Emily's. The latter's gaze shifted from her girlfriend's eyes to her lips, and Emily leaned in to kiss Paige._

_Spencer poked Hanna gently. "Can you get my backpack? My camera's in there," she mumbled out of the side of her mouth. Hanna grinned and rifled through their bags as softly as she could to hand it to Spencer. Spencer quietly took the cap off the lens and raised the camera to her eyes to focus on the kissing couple._

_Snap! "Yes!" Spencer exclaimed with a fist pump, earning her a smack from Aria as Emily and Paige jumped apart to find Hanna leering at them._

_"You guys are so cute it makes me sick," Hanna declared before she took a swig from her cup._

_Emily flushed, and Paige fidgeted with Emily's hands before looking up with a smirk. "You know, Han, the whole point of being lesbians is that there is no guy." She laughed at the expression on Hanna's face. "And you look like a gaping fish."_

_Emily slapped her shoulder lightly. "Be nice," she murmured into Paige's ear._

_"And why should I? She interrupted a perfectly good kiss. A great kiss actually," Paige said with a pout, and Emily barely stopped herself from leaning in and kissing her again._

_Hanna cleared her throat. "Actually, that was Spencer. And Paige, the whole point of being done with school is that you can stop correcting my English."_

_"Nope, never gonna happen," Paige and Spencer replied at the same time before grinning at each other._

_Hanna glared at them. "Don't you dare," she hissed at them as they were preparing to high-five. Spencer and Paige stared at her, heartbroken._

_"What?! It's our thing!"_

_"You can't just stop a McHastings high-five like that!"_

_Aria was about to intervene when Emily bit Paige's ear. "If you're going to high-five, do it already. My hand's getting cold," she whispered. Paige quickly slapped Spencer's limp outstretched hand before grabbing Emily's hand again._

_Spencer pouted. "What? That's hardly worthy of being called a Spaige-slap. Really?"_

_Paige shrugged. "Duty called."_

_Aria squinted and shook her head at the couple. "You're so whipped," she said, wagging her finger at Paige._

_Emily smiled and squeezed Paige's hands. "Yup, and she's mine, and she's amazing."_

_Paige grinned and nuzzled Emily's neck with her nose. "Mm, babe, you smell nice."_

_Hanna made barfing noises and waved her hand at them. "Are you going to tell us what you guys were whispering about, or do we have to guess?"_

_Paige and Emily blushed on cue, and Aria cooed at them. "Aww, it's a couple-blush."_

_Hanna glared at her. "What is it with you guys lately with making up weird hyphenated words? And come on, what were you guys talking about? It wasn't sex, was it?" Hanna's eyes bulged. "Oh it totally was. Were you talking about cunnilingus?"_

_Emily blushed again, and Paige buried her face in Emily's hair. Spencer gaped. "Where did you learn these words? Hyphenated? Cunnilingus? What is cunnilingus anyway?"_

_Aria smirked. "Really, the 2014 valedictorian of Rosewood High doesn't know what a word means. Spencer, cunnilingus isn't even that hard."_

_"Can we please stop saying that word," Paige mumbled into Emily's neck._

_"What word, cunnilingus? I mean, we're assuming that's what you were talking about, since you haven't corrected me," Hanna said._

_"Baby names, okay? We were talking about baby names," Emily suddenly exclaimed, her face beet red. Paige rubbed her belly comfortingly._

_Aria clapped her hands. "Ooh, do tell!" She quickly put her hands in her lap when Hanna and Spencer turned their heads to stare at her. "What? It's adorable."_

_Paige glanced at Emily for approval before speaking. "Well, we've only considered the first kid so far. We were thinking that we'd call him Connor if he's a boy and Grace if she's a girl. That second one is her idea. I wanted to her Emily, and a boy could be Emilio, but what the girlfriend wants, the girlfriend gets," she said before setting her chin on Emily's shoulder. Emily kissed her forehead._

_Aria smiled at them. "And who's taking whose last name?"_

_Paige looked up with a grin. "We're going to be the McCullers Clan," she declared, beaming._

_Aria's eyebrows shot up. "Clan? How many kids are you planning to have?"_

_Emily nudged Paige curiously. "Yeah P, how many?"_

_Paige stared into Emily's eyes. "Enough to fill the house. I want as many mini-Emilys as possible," she whispered. Emily stared back before lunging at her face so that Paige fell with her back in the couch cushions with Emily sprawled on top of her._

_Aria stared at them kissing before sighing. "It's a good thing Emily's not working today, or she'd be fired for dilly-dallying with the customers."_

_Hanna blinked. "Is dilly-dallying code for making out?"_

_"Hanna!"_

_The blonde pouted. "I miss Caleb," she said before crossing her arms._

_"Hello, can someone PLEASE explain what cunnilingus means?"_

* * *

A throat-clearing behind me shakes me out of my reverie. "Last time I checked, packing entailed actually going inside the apartment," Lynn says. I can tell she's smirking without even seeing her face.

I wipe the tears from my face and tear my eyes away from the picture. "Welcome to my humble abode," I say with a sarcastic sweep of my arms.

Lynn smiles. "Yeah, humble indeed. It must cost a measly fortune. This place is gorgeous!"

I shrug. It's just home to me. Meanwhile, Lynn bounds all over the place, examining everything from the marble countertop and the dining set in the kitchen to the black and white leather sofas and light blue drapes in the living room. She sprawls herself on one of the sofas and grins at me. "Your girl a fan of contemporary stylings, Em?"

I shrug again. "We both are. She insisted on the puffiest drapes they had in that color, so I insisted on having one big bed instead of two smaller ones."

I make my way into the living room and sit next to Lynn. She looks up at me. "Doesn't it hurt, having these reminders around all the time?"

I shake my head. She's on my mind constantly anyway, and I'd rather fill our space with reminders of how happy we were if I can't fill it with the real deal.

"Em, has she ever seen the apartment?" Lynn asks me softly.

"No. I mean, we picked it out together, but we weren't supposed to move in until the summer, so the place was bare at the time." I hug myself. "She fell in love with the view, so we just had to buy it."

"Why haven't you ever invited me over? I mean, you've slept over at my place plenty of times,' Lynn questions. "And it can't possibly be lack of intimacy. I mean, I know what your lacy bra looks like, remember?" she says with a chuckle.

I glare at her. "Don't remind me. It's just a comfort thing, I guess. The other girls don't get too many invites either," I lie.

But she reads me like a book. "You know I know you're lying, but I'll let it go this time."

I nod. I wonder what Paige would think if she saw Lynn on my couch, her shirt riding up to show her toned stomach. I'm not doing anything wrong. Lynn's a friend; she should be able to come over whenever she likes.

I know what Paige would think. She would laugh and ask why so many beautiful ladies were hanging out in her apartment. She and Lynn would get along so well. But I can't help but feel as if I'm breaking a rule.

Again, Lynn reads my mind. She jumps up from the couch and slaps my shoulder. "Come on cowgirl, let's get packing. Show me the bedroom, woman!"

I gape. Lynn stares at my expression confusedly before sighing. "I am so sorry. That came out completely wrong. How many slaps does Paige owe me now?"

I check my memory. "Seventeen, I think."

"Not bad for ten years, don't you think? Now come on princess, show me your closet and your suitcase already!"

* * *

what do you guys think? that's the longest flashback so far, i think. i was experimenting with the characters' voices, so if it sounds odd, let me know! if you liked it, let me know too! or if you want to rant about the snail's pace at which this fic is proceeding, please let me know too.

another thing...what do you guys think about Lynn? love her, hate her, no feelings? is she bothering any of you? we'll find out more of her back-story with Emily... ;)

also, i would really like to thank you for reading and supporting my writing. much love to everyone who leaves a review or messages me, as well as to y'alls out there that favorite or follow my work, and just as much love to y'alls that simply read and enjoy. i adore you all! stay tuned for the next update!


	7. Second Thoughts

"Why the fuck is this fucking thing so fucking heavy, Em? Are your swimsuits lined with fucking lead weights or something?" Lynn grumbles as she stumbles ahead of me, two suitcases in tow.

I shrug. "You're the one who packed it. If you don't want to carry it, I'll take it home with me right now." I spin on my heel but get yanked back by Lynn.

"Yeah, that's not happening. Vacay entails you actually leaving the premises of your home and your shop, chica," Lynn barks in my face.

"I do leave the premises. Twice to three times a week. Which isn't nearly enough, now that I think about it."

Lynn curses under her breath. "The hospital doesn't count, Em. You go so often that every single employee knows you by name. If you stayed there any longer you might as well close the shop because you'd practically never be there."

"Good idea. I'll call my assistant right now and tell her to keep an eye out for other job opportunities." I whip out my phone before Lynn snatches it, uncaring that she has now let both of my best suitcases fall onto their sides on the grimy airport sidewalk.

"Em, you may be reluctant to have some fun, but your employee is not going to lose her job over your stubbornness!"

I grab my phone back. "Fine, I'll just let her know that I'll be out of town for a while. Is that okay with you, Fun Nazi?"

"That's acceptable. You know I'm only trying to look out for you on Paige's behalf."

"I know. Now stop yelling in my ear. You're giving me a headache." I take a few steps away from Lynn and her loudness to dial my assistant's number. "Hey Dixie? It's Emily. I just wanted to let you know that I'm going out of town for a while with the girls and...really? Okay. That sounds fantastic. Thank you so much! I'll call you when I get back. Bye. Alright, you too."

Lynn bursts out laughing as soon as I put my phone away. "Dixie? Sounds more like someone who would work in a donut shop than a flower shop."

My smile falters. That's exactly what Paige said.

* * *

Spencer waves us over to the Virgin America registration kiosk. "What on earth took you two so long? Were you guys making out or something?"

Lynn rolls her eyes. "For the bajillionth time, Spencer, I'm straight."

"With the utter lack of male action you get? I'm totally convinced." Spencer oozes sarcasm from every pore. "Seriously though, the whole point of having you pack for her was that two people would be faster than one."

Lynn puffs her cheeks. "If you really wanna know, we're late because I had to drag Emily out of the apartment. I've forgotten how stubborn she is."

Aria laughs. "Stubborn? Emily? Ha. Who woulda thought."

I'm getting really annoyed at them talking about me like I'm not here. It's not like they don't know how hard this is. Hanna opens her mouth to reply, but I cut her off. "Enough. Seriously, guys? If this is how the trip is going to be, I'm going home right now and none of you will be able to stop me. She's infinitely better company than you anyway, and I'd rather talk to my furniture than spend another second getting teased by you."

"The furniture comment was a low blow, Em," Spencer says, looking at the top of her boots. Aria's eyes are looking all over the airport except for at me, and Hanna just stares at me with a frown.

Lynn rubs Spencer's shoulders. "Emily, we were just joking around. This trip is more for you than anybody. You haven't left the city since the incident ten years ago. And it's not just us that are worried. Your parents know about the trip too."

My eyes snap to her. "What? You've spoken with them recently?" My parents haven't called me in years.

Hanna rolls her eyes. "Well yeah. The only reason they stopped calling you is because they were sick of getting the answering machine instead of you. But they talk to us occasionally to check on you."

My eyes narrow. "How often is occasionally?"

"Every few months."

"Every few days."

Aria and Spencer speak at the same time, and I glare at them. Aria elbows Spencer. "Have you no tact?"

Spencer scowls at her. "Shut up, shortie." She looks at me. "Em, it's perfectly fine to feel apprehensive about leaving. We get it, really. The return flight for these tickets can be booked for any flight at any time in case I get any updates about Paige, okay? Can you please at least try to have a little fun with us?" she pleads.

It's scary to see Spencer beg. For the sometimes annoyingly confident and charismatic woman to be reduced to almost tears fills me with guilt. I step forward to embrace her. "I promise to try."

Spencer looks at me with a smile. "That's all I ask." She glances at her watch. "Come on folks, let's get on our plane!"

* * *

The next day, Lynn drags us to the car rental directly from the airport. "You bunch of lazy-asses, we came to Europe to have fun, not sleep!"

Spencer snarls at her, and Aria snipes, "You have way too much energy, Lynn."

Lynn shrugs. "I have caffeine for blood."

I scrunch my nose. "Technically that's impossible because caffeine's a molecule and blood's a fluid. Unless you're saying that there's so much caffeine that..."

Hanna cuts me off. "Let's just get the damn car so I can take a damn nap."

Spencer looks at me. "Well, princess, pick your ride."

* * *

"When I said to pick one, I meant a car, not a friggin tank on wheels," Spencer yells as she drives.

I glare at her. "You forget that I wanted motorcycles, so technically I was coerced into choosing this anyway. Besides, there's nothing wrong with a beautiful Toyota."

"Coerce my ass. Everyone knows you've had your eye on a Sienna for years," Lynn comments from the backseat.

Spencer blows air in her face. "I'm surprised the sales guy didn't have a hemorrhage. Really, asking for an Japanese car in English at a Mercedes dealership in Germany?"

Lynn scoffs. "I'm surprised the dude understood anything we said besides 'ya' and 'pretzel.'"

I hear a snort from the very back and then a bang. "Ow, my head. And holy hamburgers! Why the fuck is the car purple?"

Aria snickers from beside Lynn. "I see Hanna's awake now."

* * *

After twenty minutes of scrambling for makeup bags and back-seat driving and protests about the minivan, everyone's finally settling back to get some sleep. I glance at Spencer. "Are you sure you're alright to drive?"

She takes a hand off the wheel to squeeze my thigh. "I'm fine, Em. You should probably get some sleep too. You have bags under your eyes."

Those bags haven't gone away in years, and she knows that. "I'll just keep you company then. We can't have you nodding off, can we?"

Spencer nods, and I quietly fiddle with the radio to find some soft music. Spencer taps me on the shoulder and hands me a CD case. "I brought all of Paige's favorites," she says. "I didn't want you to think we were doing this just to get you away from her."

My heart skips a beat. Why hadn't I thought of bringing her music? And to spend so long without her presence...what am I thinking? I hurriedly scramble for my seatbelt, planning on searching through my suitcase for anything that belongs to her, and my fingers brush the bottom of my jacket. Her jacket. I heave a breath and force myself to calm down. She's still with me.

Spencer's eyes burn into me. "Em? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing. I just...I had a panic attack." I run my hand over my face. "I'm fine."

"You're not fine, and we both know it." Spencer's frustration surprises me. "The incident hurt all of us, Em. I get it, that she's your girlfriend and that it hit you the most, but all of us loved her to bits. Why do you cling to her so hard?"

I bit my lip. I don't know how to answer her. She doesn't know the whole story. None of them do. They all think it just happened because Paige has the biggest heart in the world. They don't know that there's more to it than that.

I hear a sharp intake of breath and turn my head to find Spencer staring at me. "You blame yourself, don't you?"

My eyes fill with tears for the umpteenth time this week. Could she have figured it out after all these years?

"You haven't changed much at all." Spencer sighs and lightly punches the steering wheel. "Since Rosewood, you've always taken everything to be a burden on yourself. It's always your guilt, your problem." Spencer pauses, and when I look at her this time her eyes are blazing.

"You remember how she scored you the meeting with that swim coach during senior year?"

I freeze through my tears. None of the girls were supposed to know about that. Spencer continues.

"Yeah, I know about that. And you know how? Because after you bit her head off at the party, after you guys talked on the dock, I came out and held her while she cried when you went back and moped. I cradled her like a baby, Em!" Spencer slams her hand into the side of the steering wheel, and I flinch.

"We may be the Fabulous Four from Rosewood, and we may have been closer than sisters since Alison died. But that doesn't make Paige any less one of us. And she may be your girlfriend, but she is no less my friend. You have no idea how much it hurt to see her cry," Spencer mutters, tears streaming down her face.

"I know exactly how much it hurts," I whisper, balling my hands into fists. The only thing that hurt more than her tears that night was knowing that her seeing me cry hurt her even more.

"Good. Then you should snap out of your self-hate, no matter how much you despise the fact that Paige is on the other side of the globe right now, because you're breaking her heart with how much you blame yourself." Spence pauses to wipe the corner of her mouth with her hand, but she's not done.

"She's the strongest person out of all five of us, and we all know it. Only two things could ever make her cry; they were losing and the thought of you getting hurt. So if she could see how torn up you are, after ten fucking years, Paige would be drowning in tears," Spencer hisses.

I'm speechless. Spencer had been the most adamantly against our relationship when Paige and I first started dating, and while I knew they eventually developed a special bond among the five of us, it never occurred to me that they cared so much for each other. And the thought of Paige sitting there by the water when I stormed back to the lake house...I bow my head.

"This rant isn't even making sense to me anymore, but I have a point to make. Pull yourself together, Fields, and stop blaming yourself." Spencer exhales and hands me Brandi Carlile's The Story from Paige's music before she goes back to staring at the road.

Her last comment makes me snap my head back up. She doesn't know None of them do. The truth is, this time it was my fault.

* * *

On the other side of the world, Dr. Mitchell repositioned his clipboard as he went through his daily checklist for his patient.

"Alright, Ms. McCullers. Let's see how you're doing today." He looks up at the woman on the bed before shifting his gaze to the machines at her bedside.

"Systolic and diastolic pressures look good, blood sugar's looking a little low, we'll get that fixed up in no time, don't you worry Paige." Unbeknownst to the doctor, the brunette is gnashing her teeth at the display of atrocious grammar spewing from Dr. Mitchell's lips.

"Well, it is time for your daily feeding and exercise routine, so I'll call one of the nurses in to do that with you. You look very healthy, my dear. I'll spread the good word to Emily," the doctor says as he pulls out his phone to send the notification to Spencer.

All of a sudden, his eyes dart up to the screen of the nearest machine. "What the...why Paige, why the sudden excitement?" Paige's heart rate has increased from 76 to 81. "That's utterly bizarre, but it doesn't seem to be too much to worry about. Let's keep it between you and I, no reason to worry your beau."

Again, Paige gnashes her teeth, and her heart rate increases from 81 to 84. "I'll call in one of the nurses. Maybe your blood sugar is having an impact on your heart rate."

The doctor dials a number as he steps backward out of Paige's room. "Spencer, it's Dr. Mitchell. She's responding. Any mention of Emily causes an increase in heart rate. What did you say? Grammar? Heavens, I have no idea. Well. Yes. Any sort of response to an occurrence in the real world is a drastic improvement. Yes. Yes. Do let her know. You're such a dear. Alright, goodbye."

* * *

hi all! longest update so far. they're finally on the road! if you're getting frustrated with how slowly the fic is moving and how long it's taking for Paige to wake up, please hang in there. also, we'll be finding out what happened to her in a few chapters. stick with me, people! :)

sidebar, i just want to clarify that in this AU, it is as if everything that happened in the show happened as well, except A never existed. so, Emily did hurt her shoulder from an incident with a car, but it had nothing to do with A. she still hates Shana though. that chick really annoys me. she had better stay away from Paily.

thanks for reading, folks! please review or favorite or follow or keep doing what you're doing, which is putting up with my rambling. school's starting soon, so it may be a while until the next update, so please sit tight. i love you, everybody!


	8. Swan Who?

"Oh great, they're squabbling again." I wake to Spencer grimacing with her hands clutching the wheel tightly. "And I see you're awake now. Did you sleep at all last night?"

"You should know; you're my roommate," I reply. "Now shush. I want to hear what they're fighting about this time."

"Swan Castle? Really?" Hanna scowls at Lynn. "That's like, so gay. Are you sure this king was macho, Spence?"

In the rearview mirror, I see Lynn toss her hair. "Of course it's gay. Ludwig II built it for a dude. He was completely in love with him."

"Enough to build him a fucking castle?"

Aria squints at Hanna. "German air must be bad for you, Han. Your cussing has gone up exponentially."

"Whatever. Let's go see this macho princess castle."

* * *

"Holy shit." Hanna's eyes are bugging out of her head. "Can I travel back in time and make Ludwig fall in love with me?"

I laugh. "If you got a sex change and named yourself Richard Wagner, it could happen." Once I catch my breath, I realize that Spencer, Aria, and Lynn are staring at me. "What?"

Lynn has tears in her eyes. "I haven't heard that sound in years." She suddenly engulfs me in a hug, and Spencer sandwiches me from behind.

"Uh, what's going on?"

Aria yawns. "Great job guys, scare the heck out of her after she's laughed for the first time since ever. Yeah, applause all around."

I frown. Surely I've laughed or chuckled recently. "Come on, I laughed that time when we…" Shoot.

Spence stares at me. "Care to finish that sentence?"

Hanna shoves her aside to grab my shoulders. "Come on, stop being such a bitch. The main point is that she laughed, and we'll celebrate that tonight. Now shut your fat mouths and enjoy King Earwig's crazy canopy bed with me."

"You mean Ludwig."

"That sounded so wrong, Han."

Hanna wags her finger at Spencer and Lynn. "Don't make me shove you out a window."

The mischievous duo stares out the stained glass at the ravine below.

"Shutting up now."

"We'll be good."

* * *

"I thought you said we were celebrating." I glare at Hanna.

She shrugs. "We are. What else are you gonna eat in Germany besides what they're famous for?"

I stare at the white phallic object on my plate. "Anything else. I am Emmy, not Mitchie. Emmy loves sausage not."

Aria chokes on her food, and Spencer raises an eyebrow. "Was that a Michelle Rodriguez joke? Paige would be proud."

"You mean about the fact that she made a joke at all." Hanna waves the waitress over. "That is cause for celebration. Next round of beers, on me!"

Spence stuffs a forkful of bratwurst in her mouth and mumbles around it, "Yeah, on you with my boss's money. Very generous of you, Han."

Hanna blows us a kiss. "What can I say? I feel magnanimous when the money I'm spending isn't mine."

I feel my face pull into a smile, and just as quickly it vanishes in a cloud of guilt. Paige should be sitting here beside me. She would be cracking jokes with the rest of them, leading raucous toasts, and kissing me senseless for the whole beer hall to see. This isn't right.

I look up, desperate for any sign of the waitress with our next round of drinks. Instead, my eyes catch a toned brunette in a white tank and leather pants dancing on top of a table with a beer mug in her hand. My head spins. How the hell did she get here? She turns to face me, and I see a glint of light seemingly shine from her cheek. A nose ring. That's not her. Of course it's not her.

Someone touches my hand, and I flinch, spilling some beer onto the tablecloth. Aria's looking at me. "Em, everything alright? You seem pretty high-strung."

I gasp for air and check to see that she's the only one that noticed the spill. Spencer and Hanna are busy writing numbers on their drink mats to rate the guys in the restaurant, and Lynn is laughing at their half-drunken antics. I exhale and notice Aria still staring at me. "Yeah, I'm fine." I give her the most genuine smile I can muster and take a long drag from what's left of my drink.

I hear a clinking sound by our table and look up to see her again, this time in a red checkered apron skirt and with our tray of beers. "Your drinks, ladies," she says in a thick German accent before winking at me.

I blink, and suddenly she's been replaced by our waitress, who's staring at me expectantly. Spencer quickly helps her unload the tray, and Hanna guzzles half her beer as soon as Spencer hands it to her. I stare after the waitress as she turns and walks away from our table. I miss her so much.

All of a sudden I can't breathe, and I stumble away from our table as I mumble, "Too much beer." My eyes scan the beer hall for a "Toilette" sign as I gasp for air, and finally I see an arrow pointing downstairs. As soon as I close the door, I slide down with my back against the wall and clutch the toilet. The walls spin around me, and I close my eyes as the first burning tears roll down my cheeks. I still can't breathe. I need her. My chest aches. My pulse emanates through my body, stubbornly refusing to stop beating and cease my pain. I haven't had a heart for ten years, just a bloody, beaten-up pump that sustains my existence and little else.

I don't open my eyes when the door opens and quickly closes. I hear the lock click, and suddenly long, pale arms slink their ways around me as she holds me close. It's impossible, but then so was seeing her in the restaurant, twice. Plus, I can't bring myself to care about what's real anymore. The real world doesn't have anything I really give a fuck about anyway.

"Paaaaaige," I breathe out. I can't remember the last time I spoke her name aloud. My tears soak her shirt. She tightens her hold on me and shushes me. For the first time in way too long, her vanilla scent surrounds me, and I drift off into sleep.

* * *

Spencer paces the area outside the bathroom agitatedly as Aria fidgets. Hanna repeatedly crosses and uncrosses her arms until she finally says, "What the hell is taking them so long, anyway?"

Just as she finishes talking, the door opens to reveal Lynn cradling a sleeping Emily. Lynn traces the girl's tearstained face as the snoozing girl wraps her arms more tightly around Lynn's neck.

The other girls sigh collectively in realization before Hanna leads everyone up the stairs, out of the restaurant, and back to where their car is parked. Emily stays curled in Lynn's arms during the whole ride back to the hotel. That night, Spencer wordlessly turns the couch into a makeshift bed, and Lynn eventually takes Spencer's side of the bed after repeatedly trying to pry Emily's arms from around her shoulders. Both cry themselves to sleep, mourning the shattered soul of the friend who is a battered shell of the vibrant person she once was.

* * *

hi all! thanks for reading and sticking with me so far! we've got a looooooong way to go yet. i just wanted to let you know that school's starting, so updates are going to be fewer and farther in between. but please continue to be beautiful readers and read and review and follow and favorite and stick around until the next chapter.

also, a special thank you to readers who send me PMs. messages make me grin like nobody's business. i love reading your reactions, and if you have any suggestions, questions, or criticisms, please feel free to send them over. flames and anti-Paily sentiments are not really my thing tho, so no thanks :/ thank you for reading this rant! i love you all, my lovelies!


	9. In the Dark

Hi everyone! The next chapter is here! It's a bit shorter than some previous ones, but I wanted to post as much material as I can before school starts. Just remember that I have a very clear idea of where I want to take this story, so please be lovely darlings and stay with me if there ends up being a hiatus soon, because I will not forget about this fic!

one thing I wanted to clarify: Paige is an English major, not a psychology major like I wrote before. It's been changed, and i wanted to let you all know. Yeah.

if anything in this chapter is unclear or makes you smile or makes you sad, message me or review and let me know! If there is any part that you like, tell me about it. If there is any part that you hate, I wanna hear about it too! If you have questions regarding what's happened so far or what's to come, pop me a line. Basically, anything you write makes me happy :) Ta-ta for now, and thank you for reading and reviewing and messaging and favoriting and following and breathing and existing! Stay awesome.

**Note:** People who review or message will get paid in hugs. On to the chapter...

* * *

"Why the fuck are we just passing through fucking Austria?!" Hanna bellows from the back seat., startling me awake. Her voice rams a truck through my forehead and shatters my eardrums. I slouch in my seat.

Spencer glares at Hanna in the rearview mirror. "Way to be considerate about hangovers, Han."

The blonde shrugs. "I said I wouldn't mention the fact that she got completely shitfaced. I never said anything about being considerate."

"Dumbass," Aria mumbles under her breath.

Lynn's propped-up feet bob in the rearview mirror as she huffs. "Will y'alls just shut up and let Spence drive in peace."

"No! Guys, this is Land of the Swarovski. We HAVE to stop," Hanna insists, her volume shoving an an anvil through my temples and boxing my ears.

I groan and gingerly rub my face. Spence nods at a bottle of water and some aspirin between us, and I guzzle it down and blink at the deep blue hue outside the window. "How long was I out?"

"You slept all day. We packed up our stuff this morning and ate lunch before crossing the border into Austria, and we're going to grab dinner soon," Spencer says, looking at me. "How do you feel?"

"Like I got hit by a car," I drawl, and Spencer winces. "Sorry. That wasn't funny."

She nods and pulls her gaze back to the road in front of us. "Are you hungry? You haven't eaten."

I shake my head. Images of her dancing on that table and of her holding the tray of drinks still swim in my vision, and I blink.

"Guys!" Hanna yells, and I clutch my head. The aspirin hasn't kicked in yet. "Why isn't anyone more upset about this?"

Lynn sighs and recrosses her legs. "Because we're sacrificing stupid crystals for fucking Italian pizza. Will you please shut up now?"

Hanna huffs and folds her arms. "This is lame. I'm going to sleep."

Aria groans in relief. "Peace at last." Within a few minutes, the minivan fills with the sound of soft snores.

"You should join them," Spencer says softly. "Those bags under your eyes aren't going away any time soon."

I nod, the aspirin making me drowsy. I pull the hood on my leather jacket over my face and breathe in her scent. Vanilla fills my nostrils and beckons me toward darkness.

* * *

Spencer's coat pocket vibrates, and she glances at Emily to make sure that she is still asleep before she whips out her phone. "Doctor?"

"Hello? Yes, this is Dr. Mitchell. Is this Spencer?"

"Yes it is. I told you not to call unless it was an emergency," Spencer whispers.

"Yes, well, I believe that the current circumstances warrant a call. We have a problem."

"Talk to me, Doctor. What is it?"

"She had been progressing very well up until now. When we did her weekly brain scan this morning, we discovered a dark irregular patch in the occipital region."

"And?"

"It's a hemorrhage. We're praying that it will somehow solve itself, such as when the same circumstances occurred in her midsection seven years ago. But if it persists, surgery may be necessary."

"Surgery?" Spencer gasps.

"So I think this qualifies as an emergency. I should get back to Paige now."

"Thank you for telling me, Doctor." Spencer hangs up and glances in the rear view mirror to see three pairs of eyes anxiously staring at her. She shakes her head at them as she gestures at the sleeping Emily, and they nod in agreement. Then, with this update weighing heavily on their shoulders, the girls one by one lie back in their seats for an uneasy sleep.

* * *

"Ahhh!" I lunge out of my seat with my hands outstretched and immediately choke when the seat belt snaps across my throat and chest. I rub my neck and gasp for air as I feel a hand on my thigh.

"What the hell just happened?" Spencer looks at me with concern in her eyes. "Did you have a nightmare?"

I nod, tears rolling down my cheeks from the sting of the seat belt. I glance in the rear view mirror to make sure that I hadn't woken the girls up with my outburst.

"Do you want to talk about it, Em?" Spencer's eyes burn me with her worry.

I shake my head. "I don't remember what it was about." Blinking in the dark, I notice the rectangular shapes of houses outside our window.

"Spencer, why are we driving in a residential area?"

Spencer shrugs, still eyeing me. "I found a shortcut on my phone."

I nod my head, still mildly confused. A sudden movement in front of us catches my eye. The little girl balks in our headlights, and the car swerves as I scream.

* * *

_"Man, I can't wait until the month is over," Paige said, grinning widely at the girl on her arm._

_Emily nuzzled Paige's shoulder as they walked. "You hate finals that much?"_

_Paige's smile widened even more. "No, just so we can graduate and move in together and I can finally have you all to myself." The last part came out as a growl. Emily shivered, but only partly from her girlfriend's tone of voice._

_Paige's expression immediately changed to one of concern. "Are you cold? Here, put this on." She took off her leather jacket and draped it around Emily, and the latter smiled at Paige gratefully._

_"It's getting late anyway," Paige said. "We should probably head back and get some sleep. Wouldn't want my girl falling behind in her studies due to inebriation from exhaustion." She laughed as Emily's face flickered between bemusement and turned on._

_"Only you could use such big words and be simultaneously so confusing yet so sexy," Emily mumbled, enjoying the way Paige's now-bare shoulders shone under the street lights and the way her black jeans hugged her swaying hips just so._

_Paige laughed again. "And I love it when you perform apodyopsis on me."_

_Emily scrunched her nose. "Wait, I remember this one. Just give me a moment..." She trailed off as she noticed a little boy in the middle of the road with a ball clutched in his hands. _What is he doing?_ she thought._

_Then she saw the blinding headlights of an oncoming car. "Paige, the kid!"_

_Paige dashed for the boy and tripped as she shoved him onto the sidewalk across the street from Emily. Sprawled on the asphalt, she had no time to do anything but look at Emily before the car hit her._

_"PAAAAAIGE!"_

* * *

I never should have said anything.

* * *

**Note: **The single sentence above is part of the fic and is not the author speaking. Thanks to Fishin4Nothin for clarifying.


	10. Party Pooper

**and after three millenia, here is the update at last! thank you everybody for putting up with my shenanigans and waiting for so long! also, thank you for allowing me to get to over 50 follows on this story! i love you all so so very much :) without further ado, onto the chapter!**

* * *

It's dark, and my body feels lined with lead. I struggle to open my eyes or to lift my fingers but to no avail. Something flashes in my vision, and then the light goes away again.

"What in the name of hillbillies did you do this time, Spencer?" That's Hanna, I think. I smell lilies coming from my right.

"Han, calm your pants down." Coffee on my left. That must be Spencer.

"Yeah, she ought to sit her pants down too." Vanilla? No way. My brain hurts. This is a super weird dream.

* * *

The weird flashing light is back. It is getting really annoying. Also, the girls are super noisy.

"Guys, her eyes just fluttered."

"First off Hanna, that's because you're shining a flashlight in her face, and second off, don't you mean her eyelids? Because not only are her eyes closed, but also eyeballs don't flutter."

"Wer yer preezh shuddup." There. That ought to quiet them.

"Um, does anyone speak Neanderthal?" So much for hoping. By the way, Aria. Your cotton candy scent. Get it away from me.

"Why are you looking at me? There's a reason I'm in French Cl..."

Holy shit that is bright.

"Welcome back, Emily!" The light subsides. A brunette blob bobs enthusiastically as two other brunette blobs and a blonde mess look on.

I blink a few times, and Blob #1 sharpens into Lynn. Vanilla. I cough. She's leaning in so close that I can make out the pores in her nose. This is a big no-no.

"Em, you okay?" I turn my head left and see Spencer yanking Lynn back by the shoulder.

"What happened?" My senses are getting sharper with each passing moment, but I'm still drawing a blank as to what happened on the road.

"The kid's fine," Spencer says, interrupting my reverie. "You passed out right when I swerved, and we went off the road just in time to avoid him."

"Wait...you almost hit a fucking KID?" Hanna bellows.

Aria scowls. "Are you physically capable of keeping your volume below ten thousand decibels? I think not. Prove me wrong and I'll buy you a cookie."

I make a mental note to use confectionary goods the next time I need Hanna to shut up.

* * *

After the girls are done fussing over me, we continue our drive. Apparently I was out for a few hours; most likely my lack of sleep coupled with the trauma from Spencer's run-in caught up with me. It's early morning, and I am enjoying the way the sun dyes the hills pink and orange when my stomach rumbles.

The minivan bursts into giggles, and Hanna snakes her hand over to drop a tube into my lap. "We stopped at a rest station while you were out," she says.

I stare at the paprika Pringles in my hands. " In Italy, of all the things you could have gotten, you got chips?"

"Hey, 'thank you' is the courteous thing to say in this situation," Hanna huffs.

I sigh. "I don't even LIKE Pringles."

* * *

I forgot that insulting any form of junk food would lead to an interrogation. Stupid Hanna.

"Of course you wouldn't like popcorn! You've never eaten it in a theatre!" The blonde says, googling up a storm for "movie theatre milan."

Spencer sighs and shades her eyes against the sun. "You just had to bring that up, didn't you, Fields?"

I shrug. "It just kinda came out, I guess." I feel a nudge on the back of my head and turn to come face-to-face with the brim of an outrageously big and floppy black hat.

"Sorry," Aria chirps as she tugs on it, crushing the brim into my face. I crinkle my nose.

Suddenly, Hanna's hand snaps out to snatch Lynn's wrist, and she hurriedly latches onto mine as Hanna barrels down the street. My free hand flails about and knocks Aria's spacecraft off of her head, but Spencer's too preoccupied with ogling a nearby "dreamy soul" to notice. I flail my free arm at both of them frantically. My head's still throbbing from earlier.

Aria slaps Spencer's cheek lightly. "Hello! Toby would not approve. Try to keep your eyeballs in your head?" Her voice gets softer with every step the Hanna boogey-train takes.

Spencer nods and pulls Aria along as she dashes after us.

"Wait, my hat!"

* * *

"Remind me, again, why the hell Brokeback Mountain is playing in an Italian movie theatre," Spencer mumbles, scratching her head.

Hanna tosses her hair in Spencer's face. "Two American boys sucking face to papal subtitles? It's a classic."

"Just because we're in Italy doesn't mean the pope's involved..." I begin before realizing that Hanna has stuck her thumbs in her ears and is dancing about the theatre lobby, probably not listening to me and definitely making a fool of herself.

Lynn pats my shoulder and leans over to whisper in my ear. "Darling, she just wants to see a red-blooded, vagina-loving lesbian squirm at the grunting and thrusting of two men as they..."

I shudder and shove her face away as she laughs. Suddenly, Hanna bounds over, spilling popcorn left and right from the monstrous bin she has wrapped in her arms.

"Want some?" She mumbles at me and Spencer through a mouthful of puff, generously showering us with mush.

I raise my eyebrows at her. "Since when did you start offering your food to people?"

She tosses her hair smugly. "I flashed the cashier boy, and he gave me the biggest tub they had instead of just a medium bucket. It's too much for a pre-dinner snack."

Aria shakes her head, and Hanna laughs. "I have to get my fun somehow. Aria, I'm 29 years old."

Aria blows air up at her bangs. "You're 31."

"Precisely my point. I'm getting older."

I stare at them until I realize that my mouth is hanging open and that my vision is blurry. I bite my fist. Spencer clears her throat and says, "You did NOT just quote Imagine Me and You." I swivel my head in surprise to see that all my girls are smirking.

"You guys spent way too much time with her," I mutter through my fist.

The girls shrug, and Aria raises an eyebrow. "You're the one who owns a flower shop."

* * *

Lynn raises her arms above her head, yawning as we walk out the theatre doors. "It's still light out. You guys wanna grab some dinner?"

Spencer looks at me, and I shake my head. "Let's hit some clubs."

Hanna yodels, and Lynn sweeps her off of her feet and twirls her. Spencer chuckles and looks at me. "Are you sure?"

When I nod, Lynn plops Hanna on a nearby bench and grabs my hands to spin me in a circle. I feel my cheeks pulling upward into a grin and let my tongue hang out, just the tip. It's okay to enjoy myself a little, right? It's Europe, and I'm with my girls. I might as well make some memories to bring back to her while I'm here.

Hanna has spotted a promising destination two blocks away. She scrambles off the bench and starts power-walking.

Milan Mood. The name seems promising. The rainbow flag waving above its doors is even better.

Aria opens her mouth again. "Is this really the best idea? None of us actually speak Italian. And none of us are single!"

Spencer ignores her and runs after Hanna. I follow as Lynn scoops a protesting Aria into her arms and breaks into a run.

* * *

Hanna runs over to me after dancing for what's seemed like hours. "They're everywhere!" she says, her eyes wild. Her hair is messy and her face is peppered with at least four different shades of lipstick. She wobbles on her feet and collapses onto the chair beside me. "I LOVE lesbians!"

I chuckle into my rum and coke and turn my gaze back to the dancefloor. Spencer is politely bobbing up and down to a soft butch in leather who's been gyrating at her for the past twenty minutes, and Aria is standing in the corner nursing a glass of scotch and awkwardly peeking at the dancing men and women.

But Lynn is a magnetic force in the club. Her arms swing up and down in time to the throbbing music, and her hair swishes as she swings her hips at first one girl, then another, and then another. Her white wifebeater accentuates her perfect boobs in the flashing lights. I'm not the only one who's noticed. Her dance partner of the movement ris twisting and bobbing in sync with Lynn and the music as she trails her hands up and down Lynn's lithe body. I watch her flatten her palms onto Lynn's shoulders and slide them down over Lynn's breasts, trace each abdominal muscle on her belly, before sliding across her hips and squeezing her ass.

I guzzle my drink and slam the glass onto the table, making Hanna jump. "Getting a little over-excited there, Em?" She says with a smile, placing a hand on my trembling arm.

I wipe my mouth with my hand. "I'm fine. I need more alcohol." Hanna grins as she waves a waiter over and places an order for four shots of vodka.

* * *

Hanna's knocked back both of her shots, and I still have one left. She eyes me impatiently. "Drink up already! I wanna dance dirty with the hottest girl here!"

I glance at Lynn's writhing body and pick up the glass, throw it back, and slam the glass back down onto the table in one motion. I grab Hanna's hand as I feel the burn in my throat.. "Let's go."

The first shot has started to warm me, and I can already feel the glow of the alcohol loosening my muscles. She always enjoyed teasing me about being a lightweight.

Hanna pulls me into the throng of writhing bodies on the dance floor, and I sidle up to Lynn. Her hair flies in every direction as she dances, and the strands waft her sweet fragrance of vanilla in my face. She's the right height, the right hair color, the right body shape. And she has the right smell, the one scent that can both calm me and drive me absolutely mad. I close my eyes and finally, after so long, let myself go into the longing. It's so easy to pretend.

She senses my presence behind her and turns to grasp my waist and pulls me closer. We shake and writhe, our hips perfectly in sync. I place my hands on top of hers, still at my midsection, and stroke up her arms until I reach her shoulders. She lifts her arms so that our limbs tangle together, and the people moving around us push me further into her embrace. Her hands are everywhere at once, ghosting over my breasts to tease my belly, grasping at my hips and then circling my neck, and her fingers trail fire with every touch. I ignore how the flames kindle slowly instead of igniting into an overwhelming blaze. I ignore how tentative the touches are, how they do not confidently stride over the terrain of my body with a cocky sense of ownership and familiarity. I ignore how the slow burn deep in my abdomen simmers instead of smoldering in reaction to those wandering hands. I ignore how I long to press my lips onto a hot mouth that knows exactly how much pressure and heat my body demands. Those lips aren't there.

Instead I focus on vanilla. That bewitching scent wraps me in its embrace, tantalizing me with its spicy yet soothing flavor. I bury my nose in her neck. I remember how I can taste it on her skin, along with the dry sweetness of almonds and something else altogether unique. I tilt my head to lay an open-mouthed kiss.

I am abruptly yanked back by the shoulder before I can complete the task at hand. Hanna's icy gaze drills into my own bewildered eyes as she pulls me off the dancefloor. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" she yells over the dinn in the club. "Loosen up doesn't mean 'whore it up,' you asshole! Get your facts straight, Em." She jabs a finger at the confused brunette still dancing. "Which include, she is, and you're taken." She slaps me across the face before stomping off to confront Lynn.

I chuckle to myself before biting my knuckle hard enough to draw blood. Hanna had been a moment too late. I can't deny the flavor that singes the tip of my tongue. It burns of oranges, not almonds.

* * *

**What do you all think? love it, hate it, have suggestions? hit me up! review, PM, favorite, follow, or just read! love and hugs!**

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